How much are we triggered by the Ex? Ex-boyfriend/husband/friend. They hurt us. Those woulds cut deep. They are hard to heal. But what is really going on? Can there be something deeper?
I had a REEEAAALLLLY interesting experience recently where I felt gratitude. Not gratitude because he was such an awesome guy. Gratitude because he was showing me what else I needed to heal.
He was making some pretty awful claims and statements. I was getting upset. A friend said to me – I hear guilt. Do you feel guilty? Is there truth to what he is saying?
I nearly fell over but instead of getting angry or triggered, I heard what she said, as hard as it was. And it was hard to hear. Was I upset because he was right in what he was saying about me? Is there truth to what he is claiming? I wrestled with it and made myself face that question.
The answer was no.
What he was triggering with his claims and accusations was my immense mum-guilt that we all tend to carry. And so despite him making false claims, he was triggering my guilt and I was reacting. I was feeling threatened. I was feeling scared that my “guilt” may be revealed. I was many emotional things all swirling around and confusing me to the truth.
So instead I sat with the guilt. I looked at the guilt and I saw why it was there. All the times I felt I had failed as a parent. All the times I wish I had been better or different. I cried. I prayed. I saw the truth of how hard I tried but I could never be the perfect parent. I cried some more…And I let it go.
Relief. Joy. It felt so good!
Next day, he brings up the same subject again and this time did it all just slide off?
Nope. I triggered AGAIN!
NOOOO!! I already cleared this! Why am I triggering again?
It was that moment my focus shifted. It was that moment I remembered yesterday. It was that moment I fell into deep gratitude. Thank you. There must be something else. Another wound. Another negative belief. Thank you for showing me that there is more I can do to heal myself and grow myself and do better.
I found the deep pain and wounds I still held (a separate issue) and again I cried and I prayed and I cleared them.
He had tried to hurt me, but had offered me healing instead.
It was my choice to react… or to see why I wanted to react and to heal it instead.
And the really interesting part – since I cleared that deeper level, the subject hasn’t come up again. Perhaps it will down the track, but for now I have done the healing I needed to do. His power to hurt me with that is gone. And it feels REEEAAAALLLY bloody good.
If you’re ready to feel good and heal, I am here and I would be honoured to walk this path with you. It is powerful. It is beautiful. It sometimes requires an abundance of tissues. But in the end, it is JOY. Let me help you find the joy <3