Life…the Journey
Do you get overwhelmed by all the info out there? So many bloggers telling you what you should eat, think, do…do you feel like you’re lectured to? Judged? Parenting is a really controversial area, but even just health choices, life choices….ARGHHH!! #Overwhelm..
My philosophy is:
Make your own choices, but please, make them educated choices…
(and ps: in the end natural is best)
Life is a journey. We’ve heard it. Do we believe it? Life is a journey ONLY if you embrace the learning that comes with it. Whilst there is life there is never an end to learning. How many times have you wished to get to that point – you know the one…the one you feel you should be at…the one that doesn’t exist. There is no point at which we are finally sated, happy, fulfilled. There is never a point at which you stop, put the book down and think: I am complete. So it’s time to feel happy and fulfilled with the learning… If we embrace the learning we will be making educated choices for ourselves and our children and we can teach them from a place of awareness.
Where am I going with this? Well I’ve just been reflecting on how much my life, choices and opinions have changed in the last 6 years since I’ve had kids. I never thought I would look at my kids and think – wow, didn’t they teach me a lot. I used to be pretty judgmental, but honestly, there is sooo much misinformation and sooo many tough choices that we need to just accept what is and keep on learning…know better and do better, one small step at a time…
The Journey to Natural Parenting
So the awakening started for me when I fell pregnant with my first. My husband said “well we better find a good obstetrician”. He knew I was pro-natural birth so was happy to look for a natural-oriented obs. It was in that moment that I think the train jumped tracks. I’d spent time in Ghana the year before, watching one after another women birth in a little concrete hut with only a midwife and, in general, no interventions, no complications. At that moment when my husband asked that question, I stopped and said “Do we need an obstetrician?” Honestly, I think hubby thought the pregnancy hormones had run off with my brain. He suddenly had images of me squatting in the mud by the Amazon. That single moment, looking into birth options and just for a moment believing in the ability of my own body to be able to birth…I think that was the catalyst for everything that followed…and everything that followed was a LOT of change (hubby was really in for it!).
I have friends who have lost that confidence in themselves – doctors told them they couldn’t conceive or couldn’t birth naturally. They took the advice and then felt deflated that maybe there were other choices. I’m talking about cases where there were other choices, not the emergency cases – I’m not pro-risk, I’m pro-natural. Doctors are pro-hospital policy. I can honestly tell you after I gave birth to my daughter my midwife said “you are lucky the doctor didn’t turn up..” Yep. I was. Perfect, natural, standing birth with no drugs or intervention. It was NOT what the doctor wanted, nor was it what he was pushing for, but he was only giving directions over the phone so I managed to ignore him for the most part. Others are not so lucky.
Breastfeeding was another interesting development. Natural term feeding is 2.5-5+years. Noone will tell you that because we can’t be seen to “pressure” mothers and mother needs to do what’s “best for her”. No. Sorry, but mother needs to do what’s best for the baby – that may need to take into account things like mum’s mental health and other factors, of course. In general however, your job as a parent is to care for your child so you feed the best you can. We all want to do the best by our kids but we’re not allowed to say that breast is best and encourage in that direction. It’s like offering an apple or a lollipop – there are healthier choices and we need to support people with the information to make those choices (whenever possible).
I was lucky, again, in my antenatal class I got a very pro-bf midwife. I had the courage afterward to say “I like what you’re selling, can we go for coffee” and we became good friends. Without her my journey would be very different, so don’t feel I’m judging you for your journey. I was lucky – right person, right time. She told me she fed hers for two and then three years respectively. At that time I’d never heard of such a thing and I was like “3 years?!?!” whilst she was like: “yeah, wish I’d done it a bit long..” (huh?!). Personally, I think the only way you can successfully breastfeed for a long time is that you REALLY value it. It hurts, it sucks, it’s hard and sometimes you want to lock yourself in the car just to have 5 minutes of not being touched. It is NOT easy, don’t assume because someone did it a long time they just had it easier. We just need more of the really good support around so women know when things are hard and they need help versus things really aren’t working. The latter is very rare but the number of times the message is given is very frequent – this is the disconnect that frustrates me. YOU as a mum, trying to do the best by your child, deserve GOOD information about what’s going on for you. Telling you you don’t have enough milk is unhelpful and generally untrue – you may have a tied baby that isn’t latching and stimulating the breast properly. Understanding that there are other avenues to explore is the message we need and the experts who are actually trained in this stuff are the people we need access to. In the end I breastfed both of my kids for well over 3 years would you believe…I can’t say I enjoyed it and it wasn’t easy but we did it and I’m really glad I had that opportunity to give them the best start to their gut health that I could. I hope that if your journey really sucked you won’t be negative about that but in fact when your friends struggle you say “you know what, I think there are better answers and support out there than what I got, let’s see if we can find some…”. That would be amazing of you.
So the breastfeeding journey and beginning to comprehend the importance of gut health started a whole other journey for me. I love that we live in a time when all this research is being pumped out to demonstrate the real basis of health. I also highly recommend the movie Microbirth, which discusses how we are changing gut health permanently for future generations – the implications are a little scary but the message of the movie is encouraging – let’s educate and make positive change. So when my daughter was around 2.5yrs I took a step into GAPS (who lent me that book..?) – again, I guess you’d say right info at the right moment but I was exploring this area because I was starting to suspect all was not roses in my daughter’s gut (she did inherit her flora from me so not entirely surprising!). I do get a little frustrated by people who say “my child will only eat vegemite sandwiches”. Yes, they will, if that’s what you offer them. There are times to be flexible and times to parent. Whilst you may think there’s nothing wrong with a vegemite sandwich, there is something wrong if that’s all a child will eat. In our house we now eat a largely paleo-style diet and that works for us – kids love salads, veggies, nuts and eggs. Lucky again? Perhaps, but they aren’t offered vegemite sandwiches…perhaps I am a cruel mother, but my kids get excited about fruit and veg so I’m ok with that.
Bone broth is so important for gut health – it can heal and seal any previous damage. So never feel like it’s all too much or if you missed breastfeeding all is lost – that is never the message. It only takes small steps every day to reach greatness. It takes small changes every day, week…I didn’t learn to make almond milk and seed crackers and grain-free pancakes in a day – I did a step at a time when I felt I could manage something new.
small steps every day to reach greatness..
I have also learnt kids develop as and when they were meant to…if you allow them. Parent’s are NOT supported to take this view and they should be – every child is different. Don’t force them into something they aren’t ready for just cause a book says they should be. My kids toilet trained in a week…when they were ready. If I had forced my son before that I can’t imagine what sort of battle that would have been. You can create serious fears and ongoing issues if you force something before it is their time. I absolutely know I would have been wasting my time and getting stressed for nothing (trust me I was, I did try briefly!)…one day my daughter had a quiet chat with her brother and he came to me “mum, I’d like to wear undies today” – Boom! Sorted. So don’t overthink it with your kids – best parenting advice ever. Go with what feels right for your child – only you know them best..
Don’t overthink it, everything happens when it should.
I have to tell you also about tongue tie, because honestly, knowing about it as a new parent will change your life. I mentioned it briefly already but it is massively under-diagnosed. My biggest gripe with tongue and lip ties is that most people aren’t trained (including your midwife, LC and paediatrician) – and even those that are tend to look only from their specialty area – so a lactation consultant might see a tie and say “but he’s feeding fine so don’t worry”. There ARE long-term implications (like narrow breathing passages, orthodontics and speech issues) so please don’t ever just leave it, go to someone specifically trained and be properly assessed whilst bub is as young as possible. I learnt this the hard way and had my son revised at 2.5 YEARS when I picked up that he was tied at 4 WEEKS of age…
The Journey to Natural Medicine
How did I get to be such a hippie natural medicine freak? Hmm…it’s really hard to remember but the natural parenting journey made me start to see flaws in the system – when you only achieve a natural birth because the doctor DIDN’T turn up you kinda start to think you’re better off without them. I’m not saying if I had an accident I wouldn’t go to A&E, but that’s about the only time to be fair. I have seen that data showing that essential oils can be more effective than synthetics, without the side effects. I understand the biochemistry behind why that happens. I have WORKED in vaccine research, cancer research, genetically-modified crop research…so don’t think I don’t know the other side. I REALLY know the other side. I see the masses of toxins in our lives and our environment and I want to have something natural to support my kids – I just don’t believe that drugs plus chemicals plus vaccinations plus food additives is the recipe for health and the toxic load needs to be minimised with educated choices.
I have read a LOT about how approximately 80% of the immune system is in the gut, 90% of your serotonin receptors are there too. We NEED to be looking to diet and gut health first and foremost as the basis for all health issues. On my journey I have learnt the real value of vitamins (like large doses of iv natural-form vitamin C can kill all known viruses; and sufficient vitamin D can boost the immune system 5x that which is achieved by vaccination); I have learnt about where to find antiseptics and antibiotics naturally and I have seen for myself the power of therapeutic-grade essential oils – through personal experiences as well as loads of research data that will blow your mind. I am confident in my knowledge, research and choices. I want that for all mums trying to sort through the mine-field of information and choices.
My journey with essential oils started when a friend told me “you have to get into this” – I knew where she stood on natural parenting so kinda just went with it. (“She” is the famed Jessie Reimers who started the Heart Foundation petition to remove the ticks from our food – she’s now campaigning against the new and largely unchanged system of star ratings so go check that out and sign the petition). Since I started sharing oils I have had people tell me they have gone from “a dark place” to “running 3 times a week and feeling amazing”. I’ve had a friend who has NEVER had a sense of smell suddenly start getting the hint of aromas…Mind. Blown. I have seen people who have been hospitalised for excessive period bleeding suddenly have normal, balanced hormone and periods. I have had mothers tell me their children are suddenly calming and sleeping beautifully instead of climbing the walls at bedtime (#winning!). Honestly, you can’t argue with the evidence and the experiences that people have – first hand experiences – and I LOVE changing their lives, changing their hope and their empowerment. They now have resources to hand that are safe, natural and effective. What’s not to love?
Not just luck – Keep asking questions…
I mention several times above that a lot of my experiences and learning was lucky, but in the end you have to be open to learning and reach out when you see someone who can help. Sometimes that’s really hard as it can genuinely challenge everything you thought you knew… I sought out the company of a pro-bf midwife before I gave birth. I read the books about gut health when my daughter had a malabsorptive gut issue. I didn’t sit back and do nothing. I didn’t just go to the doctor and ask for something to fix it. I educated myself and I learnt how to feed her better and I’m still learning. I went to a seminar last week about biohawk products and the theory of undigestable proteins in our food being the source of food intolerances. It was interesting and I’m still processing it, still asking questions. Never stop. We need to awaken, for the sakes of our children. We have a massive incidence of autism, allergies, asthma. Autoimmune. Cancer. This is new in the last generation or two, so we need to be asking why. Keep questioning, keep learning and keep doing better.
#timetoawaken
If you want to know more about essential oils and design a protocol for your family needs, you know where to find me, let’s chat! I honestly hope you find your way through the maze of misinformation, if I can help connect you in any way to the support you need I’d love to, so never hesitate to get in touch. Blessings on your journey.